‘If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently’
(Book of Romans chapter 8 verses 24b-25)
So, this morning I received disappointing news about something I was really hoping would turn out another way. I was hurt, disappointed and confused all at once.
We (that’s right! I got peeps!) have just released my debut single – you can listen to it on my webpage on www.millicentmusic.com, and I was looking forward to embarking on this other thing that we have been preparing and looking forward to for a while now only to find out this morning that it did not work out.
Talk about a hard knock life (Thanks, but no thanks ‘Annie’ and Jay Z).
I have just finished from a radio interview (tell you all about it soon) and as I was driving out of the parking lot, that big question, the one that serves as the motto for the Association of Confused People, ACP (Membership is free), popped up in my head –
Immediately, I started calculating and permutating in my head;
What if I do this?
Should I call, do, cancel, find out, ask, retry, insist or beg for that?
Who, when, where, how should I do that?
The more I calculated and thought, the sadder and more tired I got. And it wasn’t even up to 1 minute yet since I started thinking! Somebody had better cast me in the ‘I, Robot’ sequel or perhaps Terminator – Revelation (since there’s a Genisys…) because my mind is Optimum Prime Plus!
And then suddenly I stopped (in my head of course, NOT the car as I was still driving and I wouldn’t want to kill someone, God forbid!) because I realised why my brain was spinning;
- If I were, to be honest, the reason I felt so disappointed was because I felt ‘entitled’ to what I was hoping for because I thought I had what it took to have it (sorry, but I’m going to leave you guessing on this one).
- As per my calculation and planning, I have deduced that it would make my life easier and maybe better.
- I am currently dealing with 1 or 2 unknown variables in my life equation. Adding another unknown variable to the chest board is NOT something I would want (but who cares what I want huh?)
Just as these thoughts were racing through my head, without skipping a beat (Optimum Prime Plus remember?), I started recalling people, famous and not so famous, who have a story that inspires me – Oprah Winfrey, Liz Murray, Paul from the Bible, people in church and just regular everyday people I have encountered. I thought of THEIR stories and I tried to imagine what their journey may have been like which is a very poor imagination because as the saying goes, “only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches”
So, I came to my conclusions:
- One of the reasons why all these people inspire me is because THEY NEVER GAVE UP. While I’m a strong advocate for originality, I would gladly support copying a ‘CAN-DO-NEVER-GIVE-UP attitude.
- I hope that one day, I, in turn, can inspire someone else (circle of life baby! Circle of life!)
- There’s a lot of things in this life I cannot help and there’s going to be a lot of things that I cannot help. That’s a fact and that’s the truth (For all you truth versus fact people out there, please let’s not waste time arguing over this one. I’ve got both grounds covered so let’s move on!).
So rather than training my mind to sit, caress and basically live with things I cannot control, I will train my mind (I feel sorry for my mind already) to focus on the things that are within my control and I can help. I will then commit myself to those things.
No one is born joyful, sad, grumpy, satisfied, spiteful or dejected. While I do acknowledge that circumstances have the capacity to dictate our disposition, most times, I do believe we can choose A disposition to go with.
So, while I am hoping for a couple of things as well as my big break as an actress (please! You think Penny is the only aspiring actress in town?), I have made my decision…
I will wait well!